tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33599441.post1775083356467330338..comments2024-03-28T01:11:53.559-07:00Comments on Electric Spec Editor Blog: first page game #9lesleylsmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872977902924014581noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33599441.post-35725344743521078402010-03-03T03:49:05.687-07:002010-03-03T03:49:05.687-07:00I kinda have been expecting this in a way...
But I...I kinda have been expecting this in a way...<br />But I reali dun think da world is going to end...start a new era maybe but the world is not ending.<br />That's not gonna happen till a thousand years later! Ok, I'm not sure bout that either but that's not the point! The world's not gonna end! Full stop!<br />[url=http://2012earth.net/doomsday_2012.html<br />]new world 2012<br /> [/url] - some truth about 2012Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33599441.post-36197875258128628592009-09-18T15:31:12.123-07:002009-09-18T15:31:12.123-07:00kudos to the author for being brave enough to subm...kudos to the author for being brave enough to submit. :)Michelle Gregoryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05747275507200268417noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33599441.post-47435411192280664402009-09-06T08:48:23.012-07:002009-09-06T08:48:23.012-07:00I like the scorpion - is it talking? I got confuse...I like the scorpion - is it talking? I got confused in the beginning with who was saying what when, especially with the poison part as I initially assumed that was the scorpion, but it was Khoran (right?). Maybe some dialogue tags would help in the beginning at least until the reader is grounded.<br /><br />Good job! Hope you revise and resubmit. I'd like another stab at this after it's cleaned up.Sarah Laurensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09252565450452195395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33599441.post-12465365722751012132009-09-04T13:55:27.386-07:002009-09-04T13:55:27.386-07:00I agree, for the most part, with the comments of m...I agree, for the most part, with the comments of my fellow editors. The only comment I would add is a plotting issue. I agree with Bets that we don't get as much good epic fantasy as we would like. However, with epic fantasy, you are always walking the line between trope and too trope. For me, the idea of a "prophesy" has become too trope. It is plot device that has been so used in fantasy that it has become cliche. It also can be a crutch for fantasy authors, providing a easy motivation for a character to do or not to do something. This is a long way of saying--consider taking out the prophesy. Create another reason why the soceress is so concerned about the king's son.David E. Hugheshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15562347731539228314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33599441.post-11844922913462902952009-09-04T11:18:35.632-07:002009-09-04T11:18:35.632-07:00I second Author Anon. Getting feedback directly fr...I second Author Anon. Getting feedback directly from an editor is a rare treat. Thank you, Betsy, Leslie, David…and everyone else, of course, for your time and insights. <br /><br />I've gotten something out of every entry and comment. And I definitely appreciated all the comments on my own submission. Hearing what people liked and didn't like, what sucked and what didn't? Priceless. (insert AMEX joke here) I learned a lot, even when people disagreed. So, thanks again.<br /><br />Oh, and Anon, I like the cerulean moon. Sounds like a cool worldDeb Smythenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33599441.post-46841416261327014452009-09-04T10:08:50.739-07:002009-09-04T10:08:50.739-07:00Glad I could be of help. Feel free to rewrite and...Glad I could be of help. Feel free to rewrite and resub to the game if you want us to take another look.Betsy Dornbuschnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33599441.post-717237185954159222009-09-04T09:08:43.976-07:002009-09-04T09:08:43.976-07:00Looks to me the issues with this piece are all tec...Looks to me the issues with this piece are all technical ones, and easily fixed. The premise is really cool--and I love that it starts off in the antagonist's mind.Kat Heckenbachhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17690721679155795038noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33599441.post-45165026132257930342009-09-04T09:04:46.861-07:002009-09-04T09:04:46.861-07:00Thanks for his posting! Way to be brave, author, a...Thanks for his posting! Way to be brave, author, and thanks for the feedback, Betsy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33599441.post-70389174396007123322009-09-04T08:59:49.338-07:002009-09-04T08:59:49.338-07:00Thanks for playing, Author! We appreciate it. The ...Thanks for playing, Author! We appreciate it. The author does an excellent job starting in the middle of the action. Kudos. <br /><br />I believe Khoran is the antagonist and thus this is an interesting choice for a point-of-view character.<br /><br />For my personal taste, there is a lot of repetitive telling here, e.g. in paragraph 3, "..poison punishment. Punishment for ...", in para 5, "...gain powers beyond comprehension. Powers greater than..." <br />That being said, all this description and telling is consistent with epic fantasy. I would keep reading.<br />That being said, there are some grammar issues here which raise a bit of a red flag.<br />Good luck with this piece, author!lesleylsmithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14872977902924014581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33599441.post-6186545610840559072009-09-04T08:57:19.991-07:002009-09-04T08:57:19.991-07:00Thank you so much, Betsy. I received a few rejecti...Thank you so much, Betsy. I received a few rejections on this, but could never get enough feedback to know what to change. <br />This is priceless! I have some real advice to use. <br />Thank you for all you do :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com