tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33599441.post3521837564163359247..comments2024-03-28T01:11:53.559-07:00Comments on Electric Spec Editor Blog: first Page Entrylesleylsmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872977902924014581noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33599441.post-86727179369443661882008-12-17T11:45:00.000-07:002008-12-17T11:45:00.000-07:00I liked this, too, Author! Still might be tighten...I liked this, too, Author! Still might be tightened up a very little bit, but I'd have read on as well.writtenwyrddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02280711822302493122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33599441.post-69585226661962751532008-12-16T12:02:00.000-07:002008-12-16T12:02:00.000-07:00I agree that this is a strong entry, but the openi...I agree that this is a strong entry, but the opening could be stronger. The key dialogue is "I need you to intercept and detain", so having a bit less set up prior to that may give the opening more punch. I also agree with Lesley that the "joke on the satellite tender" through me off. You might think of a word other than "tender", since the word can have two meanings.<BR/><BR/>Nice work overall.David E. Hugheshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15562347731539228314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33599441.post-48442507365559366802008-12-16T09:50:00.000-07:002008-12-16T09:50:00.000-07:00Thanks for playing author! The writing is nice her...Thanks for playing author! The writing is nice here. Kudos. :)<BR/>Personally, I enjoy space opera. There seems to be some good humor here also. <BR/>I have to say, however, starting a story with a phone call is a cliche. If I'm being honest I've done this myself. :) But it's better to cut the scene and begin closer to the real action. For example, what happens when the satellite tender and the Neoplastian tug approach each other? <BR/><BR/>I thought the phrase <I>"Combat" is a joke on a satellite tender</I> was more confusing than it needed to be. At this point in the story, we don't know if a <I>satellite tender</I> is a person or a machine or what. Also does <I>joke on</I> mean someone's playing a joke <B>on</B> them? or they consider it to <B>be</B> a joke?<BR/><BR/>Finally, an editorial note: We like original stuff, so generally we would not publish a straight space opera. (It's been done to death.) We would prefer space opera with something else, e.g.<I>really</I> strong internal character arc(s), or some kind of fantasy element(s), or maybe it's a farce/spoof?<BR/><BR/>This is actually related to Editor Betsy's theory "the big bang of writing" in which multiple story devices/elements collide in the end to create something wonderful. <BR/><BR/>Thanks for letting us read this, author. :)lesleylsmithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14872977902924014581noreply@blogger.com