tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33599441.post7560427083465285262..comments2024-03-28T01:11:53.559-07:00Comments on Electric Spec Editor Blog: First Page Gamelesleylsmithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14872977902924014581noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33599441.post-91025257639293447822010-03-15T11:01:25.689-07:002010-03-15T11:01:25.689-07:00"over-rail" I assume= elevated-rail/trai..."over-rail" I assume= elevated-rail/trainDeb Snoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33599441.post-75953168907368834452010-03-15T08:46:30.108-07:002010-03-15T08:46:30.108-07:00I must admit I do not know what an "over-rail...I must admit I do not know what an "over-rail" is... Anyone?<br />Thanks!lesleylsmithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14872977902924014581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33599441.post-31441260333396770172010-03-09T08:20:25.052-07:002010-03-09T08:20:25.052-07:00It's ok to talk to yourself, Betsy;)We won'...It's ok to talk to yourself, Betsy;)We won't tell.<br /><br />As for the 1st page:<br />Maybe a tighter POV? Some reaction/visceral response (more than a sigh) to what the MC's seeing could help draw the reader in.Deb Smythenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33599441.post-74128629462342896472010-03-09T06:30:08.006-07:002010-03-09T06:30:08.006-07:00I think that was David who commented under MY name...I think that was David who commented under MY name. :)Betsy Dornbuschnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33599441.post-12645554751830548192010-03-08T20:35:09.233-07:002010-03-08T20:35:09.233-07:00While I agree with Bets and Lesley here, I think i...While I agree with Bets and Lesley here, I think it is worth pointing out that one of the stories in the current issue begins with description: "Season of Blood." But take a look at how that opens. Both the setting and the voice draw you into the story (or, at least, the draw me in). This is a very tricky thing to do. The setting has to be very unique and the language has to be vivid. I think this submission comes close at places, but does not quite reach the mark. Thanks for sending it our way, author!betsyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04246830217729572270noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33599441.post-83215626415189035752010-03-08T09:58:31.939-07:002010-03-08T09:58:31.939-07:00First of all, thanks for playing Author. We appre...First of all, thanks for playing Author. We appreciate it. :)<br />In the case of this submission, I agree with Betsy. This might be a nice opening to a novel, but it does not work, IMHO, for a short story--at least not for one of our short stories. There may well be some literary venues that would love this. :)<br />Good luck, Author!lesleylsmithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14872977902924014581noreply@blogger.com